I Didn't Watch 2 Broke Girls Last Night

Kat Dennings

I didn't watch 2 Broke Girls last night. On purpose. No, not because I feel the show is racist, etc. For whatever reason, there are many reviewers out there who hate hate hate 2 Broke Girls, but I find it generally amusing and all of the actors and actresses seem to be having a genuinely good time. And if I can believe the ratings, I'm not alone. And Kat Dennings is certainly easy on the eyes.

Garrett Morris

And Garrett Morris is always a joy to watch. I'm probably showing my age, but Morris was one of the original cast members of Saturday Night Live, and one of the best of the lot, too, IMNSHO.

So why did I choose not to watch? Two words: Andy Dick. And that's the only time I'm going to write his full name in this post. There seems to be consensus that he is "aptly named" -- so I'll just refer to him as "Dick" when I have to. In case you hadn't heard, he made an appearance on 2 Broke Girls last night. I left the room.

Phil Hartman

Why do I hate him so much? Why does he disgust me? I think it's for the same reason that Jon Lovitz hates him. The story can be found on many websites: Phil Hartman's wife Brynn had problems with substance abuse. But she'd been clean and sober for 10 years until one night at a party early in 1998, when Dick talked her into doing some cocaine. Five months later Brynn shot and killed her husband, and then shortly afterward took her own life, leaving two children ages 6 and 10.

It is believed that Dick knew of Brynn's issues and her sobriety. No, I don't think Dick planned the eventual murder-suicide, but tempting someone who has been sober for 10 years with cocaine - that's just plain evil.

It still makes me melancholy to remember Hartman's passing. I'm not any kind of celebrity worshipper, but the news of his death really saddened me. I still remember where I was that day when I heard it on the radio, driving along on North Lamar Avenue.

Jon Lovitz

Celebrity-Gossip.net -- yeah, I know -- tells the following story:

The feud has been going on ever since beloved comedian Phil Hartman was killed by his . . . wife. Lovitz maintains that it was Dick that set the whole thing into motion. "[Dick] was doing cocaine, and he gave Brynn some after she had been sober for 10 years. Phil was furious about it - and then five months later he's dead," Jon told press.

Then, last year, there was a strange exchange between Dick and Lovitz. While dining out with friends, Lovitz says Dick came to his table and started trouble. "He looked at me and said, 'I put the "Phil Hartman hex" on you - you're the next one to die.' I said, 'What did you say?' and he repeated it. I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women."

Then last week, the two encountered each other again. And Jon was looking for an apology from Dick. Instead he got more lip. When Lovitz asked Dick to say he was sorry, [Dick] replied with "do you want to be in my movie?" That was the last straw. "I grabbed him by the shirt and leaned him over and said, 'I don't want to be in your movie! I don't want to be in your life!' I pushed him against the rail. Then I pushed him again really hard. A security guard broke it up. I'm not proud of it . . . but he's a disgusting human being."

The New York Post -- again, yeah, I know -- adds the following details:

Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada, who witnessed the assault, said, "Jon picked [Dick] up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." Lovitz told Page Six, "All the comedians are glad I did it because this guy is a [bleep]hole."

I have this fantasy of someday meeting Jon Lovitz and shaking his hand. And then asking him "Is this the same hand that pounded Dick's face into the bar?" and he'll say "Why yes, it is." And I'll tell him "Thank you. I will never wash this hand again."